SmileSHORT JOKES Smile
 

The Difference Between Men and Women
Curious after finding a black-and-white negative in a drawer, a woman had them made into prints. She was pleasantly surprised to see a younger, slimmer version of herself taken on one of her first dates with her husband.


When she showed him the photo, his face lit up. She beamed, waiting form him to comment.


"Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Mercury!"

Mercury

Contributed by Gary Moore



Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about
this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
 
Bride and groom
 
 
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.
She got up, bushed herself off, and started running again.
As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...
But please don't shove me again!"

Girl fell down

 


  Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they
give him $50.00."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they
give him $100.00."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and
it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Taking the offering

 

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married,
she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten
instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They
wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
to take me out when I'm dead.

  No men pallbearers

 

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
"What would you do if you had to arrest your own
mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

  Handcuffs

 

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
Babysitter Service Sign

 

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered,
"Thou shall not kill."

Ten commandments

 

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny
seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve
was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week
his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill,
and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think
I'm going to have a wife."
 Someone in pain

Above short jokes contributed by Gloria Welch


3 huts
 A man, who had been stranded alone on an island for 25 years, was finally rescued.  
His rescuers noticed three huts on the beach and asked him what they were for.
 "That one was my house," he said, "and that one was my church."  
One of the rescuers asked what the third hut was. 
The man said, "That was the church I used to go to."

The Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10" He reached for his Bible to check out the citation.  Reading it, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Contributed by Gloria Welch



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