what excuse is good enough as to why I didn't update this last week? Hmmm...
there isn't one. Well, I have an excuse, but it isn't good enough.
Well, Monday was Labor Day. Tuesday and Wednesday I ended up helping my
husband get his classroom ready for the first day of school. I hadn't
anticipated being there as long as I was. As a matter of fact, on Wednesday
I went in at 8:30AM and didn't leave until 7:30PM!
Thursday I had to play catch up around the house since I had been gone two
whole days. Then, Friday I had time, but figured I might as well wait until
today since the week had come and gone!
There you have it... my excuse.
week is going to be busy, too. Today I'm going to my mom's for a two-day
visit. Then, Saturday, my oldest son is coming out from Tennessee for a
week. I will have to get the guest room cleaned up and ready for him! Plus,
when I come back from my mom's it will be time to go grocery shopping again.
Speaking of which, there are a couple of things I need to go get this
It's amazing how busy my life can be. I often wonder how I managed while
working a full time job. I remind myself that I didn't do the same things. I
didn't help my husband, didn't go help my mom, didn't clip coupons or shop
sales, didn't have a garden, dried clothes in the dryer instead of on the
clothesline, had someone clean my house, etc etc etc.
LOL, wasn't I just saying two weeks ago that I was looking forward to school
starting so I'd have more time? I'm looking at my clock and still only see
the numbers one through twelve on it! LOL
been examining my relationship with the Lord lately. I'm ashamed to admit
that I've been longing for closeness yet pushing Him away. I kind of
withdrew myself from spending time with Him because of the confusion that
has clouded my mind.
First of all, I've been busy. That has caused distractions which turned my
focus on the things I was doing more than on spending time with Him.
Secondly I've been confused about things that are happening and the
seemingly lack of response from Him on those matters.
One of the things that is confusing me is that He has shown me some of what
He wants and doesn't want from churches. I am still without a church home
because I get so frustrated seeing people "play church" and not seek God's
will. I have been praying and asking Him to show me what church He wants us
to attend. It isn't that I am looking for the perfect church. I only want to
be where He wants me to be used. I know my family needs to be under the Word
because they don't get any on their own.
He opens my eyes to the things that displease Him in churches but I don't
know what to do about it. I have been led to do Bible studies on the subject
here at the Clarion Call. He also had me speak to the pastors in a few
churches and now I am not welcome at those churches. Oh dear.
He did give me the Vacation Bible School to do this summer. I had been
longing to teach children again and He satisfied my desire. I know He isn't
asleep and I know He has a plan, but I am impatient. I just feel like there
is a church where my family is supposed to be but I don't know where. Not
being in regular fellowship is causing a deep longing in me.
The things of God are so very different than the things we've lived with all
our lives. If we feel a need for something we seek to fill the void and
usually manage to come up with a fairly decent solution. I am feeling a void
in not having a church and am frustrated because I've been waiting on God
for a long time without seeing any progress.
So, I've withdrawn some. No, I haven't shunned Him. I've still kept Him in
my thoughts and have acknowledged Him. I just haven't spent much one-on-one
time with Him. However, I am going to make every effort to restore what I
have broken down. I have admitted my wrong attitudes and am seeking
reconciliation. There already is a happy ending to this. God is always in
favor of reconciliation!
do have quite a few things to do before I leave for my mom's so I will move
on to the Bible study! See you next week! (Yes, I said NEXT WEEK! Really!
Trust me! I'll be here! Next week!!!)
Link to the 9/9/02 Bible study.
Look at this! Updated on time, like I told you! Actually, I'm cheating. I'm
starting on Sunday. Tee Hee. I told you I'd get it done on time!
oldest son is visiting me this week. He is going to help me with some
computer related things. He's my computer genius.
He laughs at me when I tell him that I am considered a computer expert to
some of my friends. Well, it's all relative, isn't it? I've learned from him
and I am able to pass along what I've learned. So, I know a little and that
seems like a lot to someone who knows nothing. LOL
been focusing more on the Lord this past week. Like I shared with you last
week I've been holding back from Him lately. I'm working on restoring a
close relationship with Him. I have to convince myself that He is willing.
That may sound dumb, but that is the closest I can come to describing how I
feel. In my head I have the thought that He won't want to return to where I
began backing away because that is a human characteristic. God does not move
in human ways. He is God!
I also have to convince myself that He is responding to my conversations
with Him EVEN THOUGH I don't always see any results or hear any feedback. It
is so very hard to talk to someone that seems to be not paying attention.
When the television is on and I am talking to my husband he often turns his
head to watch the TV while I am still talking to him. I know that means that
he isn't interested in what I am saying. That's the same feeling I get when
I don't get a response from God.
I need to make sure I am communicating with God within my spirit and not in
my humanity. I can't expect anything from Him except for what I know about
Him from the Bible. Among other things, I know He hears me, I know He loves
me, and I know He is capable of doing anything. He may be answering me and I
don't see it or hear it. He may be teaching me something by not answering me
right away. I don't know. He knows.
I must be like the woman in Matthew 15:22-28 and be persistent. The good
news is that I am not a dog under the table but a child of God! My faith
must be strong and I must continually KNOW that He hears and cares.
Link to the 9/16/02 Bible study.
does it ever get easier to say goodbye to your children? Every single time I
drop my son off at the airport to go home I cry! I hate crying, too. It
really feels yucky!
My poor son got sick while he was here. He spent most of the week just
resting. Bummer. He was finally feeling better when it was time to go.
He did help me with my computer stuff. I love it when he comes. I learn new
things by watching him! He installed a burner for me. I've been struggling
with making backups. It would be really bad if my computer crashed as I have
lots of stuff on there that would be lost. My computer has been acting up
lately, too. I need to take a couple of days and back things up and perhaps
reformat the hard drive. (Is that the proper terminology? I know the
concepts but don't know all the technical terms.)
wore myself out! I cleaned the garage. It was a mess. Ever since we replaced
our totaled Toyota with the Expedition we've not had a vehicle that fits in
our garage. Soooo, it has been just too easy to leave things sitting instead
of putting them away. It was embarrassing to open the garage door.
Then, I decided the next worst thing was my front yard. My roses were
overgrown and there were suckers on lots of them. So, I started working on
them while it was still cool yesterday morning. As I worked on them I pulled
weeds around them. Oh my goodness you should have seen how bad the weeds
were! I should have done those before I did the garage! I found two
dandelions that were gargantuan! I hadn't been out there since before our
vacation last month. Why is it that I don't have time for things, but the
messes and weeds have plenty of time to do what they need to do???
Then I washed off the back patio. My husband built a little retaining wall
and there was cement dust and bits all over. I hadn't washed the patio in a
while because he started the project six weeks ago and his tools were
sitting out there the whole time.
Today I have some sore muscles. I'm going to be good to my body today. A
friend I haven't seen in a while is coming over. We will go to breakfast
and, if we have time after catching each other up on what has been
happening, we might go shopping.
Priorities priorities, it's difficult to set priorities. I'm wrestling with
mornings. Where we live it has a tendency to be very cool in the morning and
very hot in the afternoons. Yesterday it was 100 degrees in the shade at
noon. Mornings are the best time to work in the yard. Evenings are OK, but
by then I am tired and the ground is still giving off heat.
Mornings are best for shopping and running errands. I drive a large truck
with a camper on it and I need to get to the stores while there is still
lots of room in the parking lot. Plus, our main roads that take us from one
end of town to the other are few and far between. They have a tendency to
clog up in the afternoon and evening.
Mornings are best for doing things that take lots of thinking. Mornings are
best for exercising and riding my bike. Mornings are also best for ironing
and vacuuming. Most importantly, mornings are best for me to spend time
alone with the Lord before the day gets too hectic.
The way I look at it, mornings need to last all day long. Since they don't I
need to prioritize. God needs to help me with that. If I am focused on Him
first thing in the morning then everything else begins falling into place.
Have you ever noticed how a hard task is much more enjoyable when you are
working on it with someone else? The fellowship makes the time fly and the
task get done sooner. That's what happens when we have our minds focused on
God. He is our companion and provides us with the sweetest fellowship there
ever could be!
Link to the 9/24/02 Bible study.