Friday May 19, 2006
CONVINCING GOD
It all made perfect sense in my
own mind. Bug was in a well-respected veterinary hospital.
People drove for many miles to take their pets there. When we took Bug
there we saw a couple who had driven for three hours to take their dog
there. Other people we spoke with said they knew of people who drove
four hours and more to get there.
Our new vet spoke with great respect
when he was telling us about it. I think he had been there because he
described in detail how to get there from where we lived.
As I was pouring my coffee that Friday morning I was telling God that the vets who worked there all went to school to
learn about life and death in animals. They were taught what was
considered life-ending and they knew as well as anyone what life was.
I flew in the face of that knowledge with something that they were not
taught. I went against what they knew with what I knew. I was
just an ordinary pet owner to them. I was a woman with a very sick
cat. They knew that Bug's kidneys and his leg were full of death.
I KNEW that I had spoken life into them because I had been given the
authority to do so. They only were given the skill of giving life.
I was given the authority!
Then I began to remind God that I had
stood in faith all that time. I had proclaimed Him to be true in the
face of full-blown "knowledgeable" opposition.
I began to ask a lot more questions:
"What am I doing wrong?"
"Why won't You finish the healing in front of the eyes of the
professionals?"
I opened my Bible to look for the
scripture I had read the previous morning:
"See that ye refuse not him that speaketh."
Heb 12:25
I knew it was in Hebrews so I opened
my Bible and there, before me was:
"The just shall live by faith..."
Heb 10:38
"OK, Lord, I'm calling Bug Just (as in the scripture) because
he hasn't done anything to deserve this. I'm claiming the healing
because I have been living and acting by faith. Where is Bug's life?
He shall live because I have faith!!"
Then I read up a few verses:
"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of
reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the
will of God, ye might receive the promise."
Heb 10:35-36
I told God, "I HAVE HAD PATIENCE!"
I did His will and I had been patient for almost a week. I wanted the
promise!! I, again, told God that the animal hospital was the perfect place
for a miracle. They would be able to provide an affidavit testifying
to what happened. I pointed out to God that I had seen Him perform
miracles with a copy machine and with my other cat,
Reeboks. However, the way
they happened left doubt in people's minds as to why they happened. I
know my ex-pastor still didn't believe that God made a copy machine work.
It was just an accidental thing according to him.
After a respected animal surgeon put a
rod and pins in Bug's leg he would know for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt
that God healed that leg. The pins and rod represented death. I had
spoken life into that leg. The cysts in the kidneys were death. I
had spoken life into those kidneys. That cat had life in him from one
end to the other and the top to the bottom.
Then I asked God why He gave me
authority if the actual life didn't follow the speaking of it? I went
around and around with all the things that were in my mind.
I pointed out all the people that were
waiting in anticipation, daring to hope, that Bug would live. I told
Him I wanted to be able to share all about His power, glory, mercy, and
love.
I again reminded Him that I had been
faithful to stand by what He said. I asked that He do the same.
I waited and waited for Him to speak
to me. I told Him I didn't want another email that morning. I
wanted it from Him. Nothing.
WONDERING WHAT TO DO
I was floating out into unfamiliar
territory. I didn't have anyone else I could talk to that had experienced
anything like that. I had read emails of people telling how to talk to
God, how to "name it and claim it", how to keep praying until you feel
breakthrough, etc. etc. There are lots of different opinions on how to
do things. Yet, I know for a fact that God doesn't always do things
the same way.
So, I was wrestling with how to do my
part. How should I be speaking: loudly, softly, angrily, what
words, what phrases, what combination of words, etc. Should I be
having to remind God of His portion? Should I have been saying, "In Jesus'
name"? Should I just speak life one time and then thank God
that it was done? WHERE WERE THE RULES? WHERE WERE THE GUIDELINES?
I was not familiar with how to do those things!!
I asked if it was that I didn't have
enough faith. Did I have at least as much as part of a mustard seed?
Healing a cat is probably not as big as moving a mountain. Did I have
enough? I got a picture in my head of a bucket. "What? What
does that mean?" I asked.
Then the bucket started pouring.
"So, is that my faith? Is that healing? What is it?" I asked. It felt
like it was a good thing. So, I made my own visual of the bucket
pouring out over the animal hospital.
MORE SCRIPTURES LEAPT OUT AT
ME
So, I looked back at my Bible
looking for that scripture I wanted to read and then I found:
"Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the
blood of Jesus, by a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us,
through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;
and having an high priest over the house of God; let us draw near with a
true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an
evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is
faithful that promised;)
and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works."
Heb 10:19-24
I was in the holiest because Jesus made
it so. He was my High Priest. A High Priest that was on the right
hand of God and interceding for me!! "Jesus!" I called out. I
told Him that I was drawing near with a true heart and didn't He feel I had
enough faith? My heart had no evil in it. I held my faith
without wavering, hadn't I? God was faithful. I was doing it
because I was considering the Body of Christ and how it would encourage them.
I asked Jesus to intercede. I
reminded Him that He was here on earth and saw how we love our pets.
He saw how people listened to Him when He did miracles. I told Him
that my faith had been strong. I'd been using it to strengthen the
faith of my husband and sons. My husband, in turn, had been telling
people at his work. I'd been telling people, too. Those people
were waiting to see if God was true!
I begged Him to see that the Meyerett
household was filled with joy over hearing that Bug was healed THAT VERY DAY!
We had been waiting, patiently for almost a week.
I sat and waited. I heard Jesus say,
"He said yes."
UP I WENT AGAIN!!
Whooopie! Thank you, Jesus!
I asked to hear it again, but I guess He knew that I knew that He definitely
said it. So, now I was praising God! I was asking Him to please
hurry it along! I was thanking Him for ending our misery at not having
Bug home with us. Oh, boy, I was flying high!
I went to the computer to add the
morning's happenings to this list. I used Microsoft FrontPage and had the
Office Assistant turned on and had chosen the cat one. Usually I was
so used to it that I didn't pay attention unless it got in the way.
That time I heard it say "MEOW" as soon as the program came up. Then it
began to play and swat at a butterfly. Oh, yes, I took that as
confirmation that Bug would be strong and happy!
I had to spray the outside of our house and the yard for insects. I
had planned on doing it the previous Monday
but Bug's Great Adventure messed up those plans. We were having a
serious ant problem. The day before they were trying to break into my
garage refrigerator! They keep coming across the floor to eat the
cat's food.
They were all over the place outside.
So, I was debating whether to wait for the expected phone call from the
animal hospital or to go out and spray. I put my cell phone in my
pocket and went out to spray. Then I showered and put on nice clothes
for our trip to get Bug. (If Bug was healed then they wouldn't need to
keep him there any longer.)
I was thinking about how I had been
working directly with God. I had acknowledged that Jesus was the one
who made it possible for me to enter in to God's feet, but hadn't gone
directly to Jesus. By Jesus intervening that would be a big time
witness to people that you can't just believe in God and not Jesus.
You can't just say that you believe that there is "a" God. You have to
also believe in Jesus and what He did for all of us. So, the whole
miracle would be more extensive than I had ever imagined!
Then I waited. I was thinking
that perhaps our vet had that day off because one of the other vets called.
The report: Bug was doing OK and
his leg wasn't swollen. He wasn't eating so they were going to try giving him
something else. I told them to call the food "turkey" since that was
Bug's favorite food. I could get him to come running when I said
turkey. They said they would
test his blood again the next morning to check on his kidneys.
THAT WAS NOT THE PHONE CALL I
EXPECTED!
I asked God to please let it be
that morning so I could cook the turkey I had thawed. I bought it
before Bug's big adventure and stuck it in the fridge to thaw. Like I
said,
"Turkey" was Bug's favorite word. We bought turkey lunchmeat
and, when I was fixing my husband's bag lunch in the morning, Bug and Reeboks
hung around the kitchen because they knew they would get a piece of turkey.
My mind was spinning. "So, when, Lord?? What time?? It
will be today, right?? Why is it such a secret as to when? I
already know the answer is yes, why can't I know when????"
As I read over what I typed that
morning I discovered I wasn't sure if God said yes to the healing being that
day, that I had enough faith, or just that the healing would take place.
"PLEASE, GOD, HAVE MERCY! DO IT
NOW!"
QUESTIONS AND AGONY
"Why do we have to wait longer for
this to be done?"
"What else do I need to do?"
"Shall I continue to fast?"
"When can Bug come home?"
"When will the healing happen?"
"Why, if the time is not right, can't I know WHEN?"
"I don't know what to do!! Please
guide me, Lord!"
I was being twisted in agony because I
just plain didn't know what else I should be doing. I was picturing a
healthy Bug. I was asking the ministering angel to go to him. I
was imagining healing pouring down. I was speaking to the mountain of
sickness and brokenness in Bug and telling it to be removed. I was
telling the mountains to move to make room for life.
I couldn't run with patience the race
before me because I handed the baton to God. I used to run relays in
high school. Once you pass the baton you must get off the track!
But what if God had different rules for relay races? What if He
expected me to continue to fast and pray on through until it is over?
If I knew what I was to do I would have done it.
"Pleeeeeeease, Lord, do it now!"
I was trying to run a household,
too. Interruptions were frequent and things needed to be done. We
had a termite inspection the next day and a wedding reception in the
afternoon. It was just too hard concentrating my entire being on what
God wanted to do with Bug when my other "duties" kept calling me away.
I could draw some conclusions and say
that God would perform His end and make sure Bug had life in his body.
So, my part was over. Then, on the other hand, if I wanted a 110% healing
instead of just life, perhaps I must keep on. Then, on the third hand,
perhaps my continuing on was showing God I didn't have faith in Him and was
continuing to do something myself. Oh boy, I was on a spinning wheel and
I couldn't get off!
I sure wish I had more examples to
follow instead of just words describing what was happening! I searched
around on the Internet looking for guidance from people who had gone through
similar experiences. I thought the authors of the confirmation emails
would know of sources, but they weren't telling. I had asked them, but
they ignored me.
I ended up wayyyyy out of my area of
expertise.
I had a feeling of release from the
fasting. I had handed off the baton in the race. I ran my
entire portion. I fixed myself a small dinner, but I didn't enjoy it.
My husband questioned me about why I
wasn't going to visit Bug. I wanted to go, but had been feeling
that God would do His best work without me. If I stayed away there
would be no doubts about my having a twin cat and switching it with Bug, or
that I had done something myself. It would be all God. I felt
that God wanted me to stand back. After all, I gave Bug to God.
Is God able to comfort His cat?
My husband had a hard time
understanding why I wouldn't go so he questioned me some more about it.
So, I then developed a truckload of guilt that lay very heavily on my heart. |
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